


Remembering Jim

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Series: Snippets of Sadness and Angst [10]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Beware, Funeral, Gen, Grief, Jim stays dead, Loss of Brother, Twin Kirks, loss of captain, loss of friend, loss of son, really really sad, the Tribble didn't coo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:19:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7605085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of the people Jim Kirk left behind and how they coped with life without him featuring Jacob, the twin, Bones, the best friend, Winona, the mother, and Carol, the scientist who doesn't know where she belongs anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The missing half

"Bones?"   
"Don't call me that! I never wanna hear that dam nickname again!"   
Jake winced at the tone in Leonard's voice as he lashed out in response to the old nickname. It was an inappropriately bright, sunny day outside and inside the solemn Starfleet building everyone was trying to avoid showing how shattered they were inside at the captain's funeral. 

Some were more successful at it than others: Spock never moved a muscle, jaw clenched tightly. Silent tears ran down Uhura's face while she held an inconsolable Chekov, who sobbed on and off during the service. Scotty broke down as he shared anecdotes about "the mad bastard" who'd died to save them all. 

Jacob Kirk wasn't in good shape, but he was trying to hold it together for his mom's sake. It was almost time to close the......casket (how he hated that word) and he'd noticed one Leonard McCoy wasn't anywhere in the vicinity to say his goodbyes with the rest of the close friends and family. 

He'd gone over to let him know and the stone faced doctor lashed out and turned his back. He tried again in the calmest voice he could manage. "Leonard, they're going to close the lid soon. I though you'd want to say goodbye." Leonard tensed, looking over towards the line of people filing past the coffin to pay their respects. "Why didn't he give me the chance to say it to his face? Dammit, man, why?" He grabbed Jake by the shoulders and gripped him tightly in his desperation. 

Jake hurt even more at the pain in his friend's voice. "I don't know, B-Leonard. I can only speculate that he didn't want you to get yourself killed trying to get him out." "Might as well have been," Leonard muttered, dropping his hands and sighing. 

"I know what you mean," Jake said hollowly. He'd felt like half of him was missing since the loss of his twin; the two of them had done everything together since they were small and Jim knew him better than anyone else. He'd never imagined life without Jim and he downright hated it. 

Leonard's face changed and he suddenly grabbed the bereft Kirk in a bear hug. "Awww, kid. I'm being a jerk. You had to watch your own twin die before your eyes and I'm complainin' that I missed it. I'm sorry, Jake. I wish I could have done something." 

"Not much anyone could do against Radiation, Doc." Jake choked out, gulping down a sob again. "I need your moral support over there. Please, Len?" He asked imploringly. McCoy sighed and relented, unable to say no under the circumstances, especially when the sad blue eyes looked so much like his captain's. 

They made their way through a sea of mourners to the casket up front where most of the bridge crew and Sam and Winona were gathered. 

Jake's fist clenched at the sight of Jim's body, lying there arrayed in dress uniform, dreadfully pale and still, the medal they'd given him posthumously draped around his neck. At least the suffering had been brief, intense as it was. Jim had given Spock and Jake one relieved, affectionate smile before he'd slipped away in that little chamber. 

Bones (he'd still think of him as such) looked like he might be sick, but he shook Winona's hand and offered condolences. "He told me all about you," Winona said with a watery smile. "My boys love you." 

"It was more of a love-hate with Jim, I think, ma'am," Bones said with a ghost of his old smile. "Kid never could take a hypo without the over dramatic griping. Jake here figured out pretty quickly that holding still makes things a lot easier. Never could get it through to his brother, though." 

He looked down at Jim, again, gulping visibly at his best friend's peaceful countenance in the coffin. Thankfully he'd lost that pained expression they both remembered from when Jake had first brought the body bag to sickbay and Leonard had seen Jim dead. 

"See ya, kid." He said softly. "If we meet up in the afterlife, you've got a lot of explaining to do. You don't just get to die on me and expect me to take it lying down, do ya??  
But don't worry, I'll keep an eye on your kid brother for you. Goodness knows why I keep doing this......"   
He made a choking noise and clamped his jaw shut, tears leaking down his cheeks, walking away without looking back. 

Jake thought about following him, but his mom was too quick. He watched them go and turned to Sam. "You had your say yet?" Sam nodded. "Yeah. Go ahead, Jake." 

Jake took a deep breath. "Jim, didn't you get the memo that redshirts are the ones that are supposed to die gloriously for the good of the many?" He blinked hard against the threatening tears. "It's so typical of you to steal the thunder. I sure wish I could have beaten you to it, though. I'm not sure I want to go back out there, but I promised you I'd watch over Bones. But how can I go on without you, bro? You left me!!" 

An angry, heartbroken, sob shook his body and he gave in to the grief for several minutes before managing a final sentence in a hoarse whisper, trying not to remember Jim's pain-filled final moments. "Thanks for saving our lives, Jim, but man, I'm going to miss you. Love you forever." He took one last long look at his late brother and walked away, looking for Bones. 

The two of them found each other after the graveside service, staring at the gaping hole in the ground where Jim would be......buried, the casket resting beside it. There were way too many fresh mounds of dirt around the cemetery as evidence of the many funerals for crew lost in Khan's attack. Curse Admiral Marcus for starting this, thought Jake bitterly. 

"He was so excited about getting that five-year mission, Bon--I mean, Leonard." Jake corrected himself again. They were tactfully ignoring each other's red, puffy, eyes. His dress jacket felt horribly hot and stuffy and he longed to get away from here and the crushing sadness of seeing his brother's shiny black marble headstone staring back at him. 

"Yeah," Leonard sighed. "Chattered nonstop about it. I still don't get why he loved space so much. I told him it was disease and danger, but did he listen? No! Oh, Jim...." He threw his hands up in frustration. 

"If it hadn't been him, it would have been me." Jake said quietly. "It's the Kirk genes coming out in us. He was just a few steps ahead of me like always. I never could think as fast as he could." Jim was always thinking at warp speed, while Jake just tried to follow his crazy train. 

Bones shook his head. "Either way we'd all be here mourning, Jake. You're both geniuses in different ways and very respected on the Enterprise, well, when you're not being irritating infants. I know how much he was glad to know you had his back on all those away missions because he told me you were ten times the fighter he was. That was evidenced by the fact you ended up in Medbay much less than he did." He clapped Jake on the shoulder good-naturedly. "A fact for which I'm extremely grateful."

The corner of Jake's mouth quirked up in a half grin. Maybe the doctor wouldn't hate him after all, despite his resemblance to his best friend.   
"You want to come over to the house with me?" He asked quietly. "Mom's invited the bridge crew over to eat and tell Jim stories. I've got a bunch of very interesting tales he probably never told you. "Oh?" drawled Leonard, perking up a tad. "Believe it," confirmed Jake. "I'll even tell you the one about the turtle, the Andorian, and the flagpole." 

"Now I've got to come," declared Bones. "I could never get him drunk enough to tell that one. Anyway, if you don't get out of that uniform soon, I'm going to be treating you for heatstroke." He gave Jake a concerned look. 

"Lead on, lieutenant." "You've got it, Bones." Jake replied out of habit, but Bones didn't yell this time, he simply turned to salute Jim one last time and followed Jake home. Despite his earlier objections, he really wasn't ready to let go of that nickname just yet. As they left the cemetery, Jake vaguely thought he saw a petite blonde figure going up to the grave, but he didn't say a word. If it was who he thought it was, she'd prefer to be alone. He wasn't sure he wanted to see her yet, anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm expanding this story to tell how Winona, Jake, Bones, Carol and the crew came to grips with losing Jim and the way it drew them even closer. I may change the name eventually. Possible future Jake/Carol. In this story, Jim's mom is actually sane and loves her boys. I'd seen some pretty awful depictions of her lately and it depresses me.

Carol Marcus was no longer living--merely surviving in the aftermath of her father's and Khan's destructive actions. Jim's death had been the final straw that sent her over the edge into full blown emotional wreck mode. But she'd avoided everyone from the Enterprise, thinking they wouldn't want anything to do with the daughter of the man who'd basically caused the captain's death. At the funeral, she'd done her best to blend in with the crowd, watching the procedures with an aching heart as Captain James T. Kirk was celebrated and mourned.

She sat beside Nyota for most of the service, wishing she'd been able to get away with sitting in the very last row. Up here, she had a clear view of Jim's family and Jim himself in his casket, so dreadfully still.

Carol had been in Medbay when Jacob and Scotty had arrived with the body bag, faces so desolate Carol had known who it was even before Leonard had unzipped the top and revealed the captain's body. 

The dead silence in the room lasted for an eternity as they stared at Jim's battered form in horror and disbelief. Scotty had haltingly explained what happened and Bones had muttered a curse before dropping into a chair and burying his face in his hands. Carol had felt sick herself knowing exactly what the radiation would have done to him and how awful a death it was.

He looked better now, the cuts regenerated and bruises covered up to make him presentable, carefully dressed in crisp Starfleet greys. 

Her gaze turned to Winona, Sam, and Jacob in the front row--the sons seated on either side of their mother, Sam's wife on his other side. Winona was leaning her head on Jake's shoulder and he had his arm protectively around her, both quietly attentive as Jim was eulogized. 

She couldn't imagine what they were going through, well, she could in a way, but Jim had died saving lives, while her father had died trying to keep his power. 

She'd hoped until the very end the Admiral would relent and prove there was still something of the man she remembered in him, but he was too far gone in his greed and intoxication with power.

A few hot tears dripped down her face as the service came to a close and people began to mill around, talking in hushed tones, while waiting to get a last look at what once was Jim Kirk. 

"Are you staying for the graveside service?" Nyota asked quietly.   
"From a distance," she managed, taking a shaky breath to compose herself. "I don't have the guts to face them right now. Jacob was suspicious of me from the start and probably wouldn't be too happy to see me right now. How's the commander holding up?" She asked, glancing at Spock who was now speaking to Winona, hands clasped behind his back. 

"With sheer Vulcan will and determination," Nyota sighed. "He realized he had a friend just moments before the friend died and it's been....very hard in addition to the stress of the investigation and being acting captain. But how are you doing, Carol? You got hit with a double blow, losing your father like that."

"It's rough," she admitted. "I feel like I actually lost him a long time ago, though. It's hard to reconcile the man I remember with the cruel person who lied and manipulated so easily and nearly killed all my friends."

Her eyes wandered back to the front, where Dr. McCoy could be seen striding away from the casket, obviously unable to bear the sight any longer. 

Jacob and Sam were speaking and then she saw Jacob walk up to the casket and look down, saying something to his twin. Carol turned away from what was obviously a very private good-bye, but her eyes filled up again hearing the choked sobs coming from the lieutenant. 

He'd been rather cool to her ever since she snuck on board in contrast to Jim, who'd been pretty gracious considering how she'd lied to him. They were so identical, it took her aback seeing them together for the first time, but even without the rank difference and the different colored shirts, she could tell Jim was the more easy going type in comparison to his brother, who was very wary and watchful. Now, though, Jacob was just a grieving brother, missing his lost twin. 

She said her goodbyes to Spock and Uhura and slipped out the room shortly after, unable to bear the suffocating grief and guilt any longer. 

The graveside service was the perfect tribute to a fallen hero. Jim's friends carried the casket to its resting place and Spock gave a brief speech before the salute and the flag ceremony. Carol observed Spock handing the folded flag to Winona and choked back more tears. 

"Are you okay?" Jim had asked urgently, placing a comforting hand on her cheek as they'd landed in the Enterprise brig after Spock gave Khan what he'd wanted. 

She'd been in pain and shock after having her leg broken and seeing her father's nasty end at the hands of Khan, but she'd remembering the concern in his blue eyes as he'd helped her to Medbay. Then Jim and Scotty had rushed to Engineering and the ship began to plummet to earth and she'd never seen him alive again. 

As the crowd dispersed, she quietly approached the gravesite and stood by the smooth black casket, thinking about the man inside, the bold young captain who'd both annoyed and amazed her and in the end had saved them all.

"Farewell, Captain," she whispered. "It was a privilege to serve under you. I'm sorry it was so short. I would have enjoyed exploring with you on the five year mission. We never did get to have that drink." 

She snapped off a crisp salute before she slowly dragged her way to her lonely apartment, dreading the reality of more scrutiny as people started looking for answers as to why this happened in their supposedly peaceful organization.


	3. The Mother

Winona Kirk set her son's flag on the mantelpiece next to her husband's. Soon, she'd add his framed photo on the opposite side of George. It was uncanny, how much Jim and Jake had inherited from their father. If only it hadn't included the whole "dying young to save the ship" clause.

She'd known it was Jim who would be most likely to follow in George's footsteps; it was written in his DNA. Even as her mother heart grieved, she felt pride that he'd saved hundreds of lives as his last act as captain. 

This time around she'd be here for her sons. When George died, she'd thought space and work would bring her solace and it had, but it had also left three rather resentful sons, who'd needed her more than she thought. 

Sam had Aurelan now, but Jake was a concern, having seen Jim die and being so close to his twin. He hadn't spoken much since the service ended, preferring to stay close to Winona or Leonard. 

All of the bridge crew had accepted the offer to visit to unwind at her house after the service. She'd thought about taking Jim back to Iowa for the burial, but it was just too much under the circumstances and San Fransisco was home now. 

She sat down next to Jake on the couch and listened in to his conversation with the doctor. Spock and Nyota were sitting on the love seat, and Sulu, Chekov and Scotty had pulled over kitchen chairs and were intermittently talking and somberly listening. 

"Telling scandalous stories, baby?" she asked Jake as he made the doctor chuckle with an account of certain academy antics. "You know it, mom," Jake said slyly. "My revenge for all those times he dragged me into his stunts and almost got us both kicked out." 

"I'm thankful one of them inherited your common sense, Commander," Leonard put in. "Jim caused enough trouble for both of them." 

Winona smiled mistily. "That's certainly true. Sam has the trouble-making gene too, but he puts it to good use in the lab." She looked at her eldest pointedly. 

"If you mean nearly blowing himself up every other week, then yes, he's a Kirk alright," Aurelan put in, kissing her husband's cheek. 

Sam gave a lopsided half smile and shrugged. "Hey, It's all about trial and error right? How else am I going to make great advances in science?" 

The doctor face palmed, lips twitching in amusement. "Yep. Definitely Jim's brother. He used very similar excuses on me while getting broken limbs repaired or busted face stitched up." 

Across the room, Lieutenant Uhura was examining an old holo of the boys that rested on the coffee table. "This is adorable, Winona! How old were they?" 

She picked up the picture and angled it so the others could see. It was one of Winona's favorites, taken during a rare shore leave. 

"Sam was seven and Jim and Jake were three, still acting like little terrors," she explained. "It was hard to get a decent picture of them all together, so I bribed them with ice cream and that got them to sit still long enough to take the picture." 

Looking at Jim's happy little face as he smeared ice cream all over it, her eyes filled up again. Blinking away the tears, she nudged Jake. 

"You were so serious even when eating sweets." Little Jake was staring soberly at the camera, face just as messy as Jim's was, but the youngest Kirk appeared to be deeply concentrating on licking the bowl clean. 

"Hey, Ice cream eating is serious business," Jake protested mildly. "We can't all be clowns. He pointed at the image of Sam, who was making a ridiculous face while shoving a huge spoonful in his mouth. "You were such a dork, Junior."

Sam shrugged. "No argument, there, bro. I pride myself on dork hood. Maybe mom should show them all your baby pictures. See if they can still tell the difference between you two rascals." 

So Winona brought down the baby album and it made the rounds, causing some more tears and lots of "awww" or "zey were so cute!!" (from Chekov). 

Looking at the old pictures from twenty-six years ago, Winona remembered the softness of their baby feet, the blonde fuzz on their mostly bald heads, the deep blue eyes that crinkled when they beamed up at her, the way they cooed and babbled when they were content and the adorable tiny noses that seemed made just for kissing. 

She scooted closer to the half frowning, slightly embarrassed Jake and sighed through her tears, thinking about the fact that not only was she grieving for herself, but also for him. He'd lost his best friend, his closest confidant, and a brother he'd shared the womb with. 

"I can't believe how sweet and innocent they look!"exclaimed Uhura, poring over the photos. 

Leonard chuckled. "All babies do, then they grow up and it's bye-bye sweet innocence and hello screaming tantrums." 

Winona met the doctor's gaze in understanding as Jake let out a huff and crossed his arms. "Who says I'm not sweet and innocent still?"

"Everyone who knows you," quipped Sam. Scotty cracked a smile for the first time that day. "Indeed Laddie! You couldn't escape Jim's bad influence. He's like a magnet!" 

The good engineer had been crushed at seeing Jim die and Winona knew he was frustrated for not out thinking Jim and getting in the core himself. She took a deep breath and decided now was a good time to make her statement while they were all here.

"I'm thankful to have you all here. I know it's been a rough time for us all and we all want to wake up and realize that is is just one big nightmare, but sadly it's not." 

Her voice quivered a bit as she thought of seeing Jim still and lifeless as she'd brushed a hand over his cold cheek. 

"I want to make one thing perfectly clear, though, since I have you all here." She paused and waited until she had everyone's attention. "Jim's death was not the fault of ANYONE in this room. That means you, Leonard. And You, Jacob. and You, Montgomery Scott. And You, Spock, and you, Nyota Uhura, and you, Pavel. And You, Hikaru." She looked each one in the eye as she spoke, seeing varied degrees of pain, numbness, and regret in their eyes. 

"Once Marcus had the ship tampered with and fired on you, there was only one thing to be done to keep the whole crew from dying. Jim, as captain, always believed it was his duty to protect the crew in any way possible. He wasn't going to let anyone else do it for him. I'm sorry for those of you who had to watch him suffer and those, like me, who didn't get to say good-bye." 

She looked at Leonard who was struggling to not show emotion again, fist clenched in his lap. 

"But let's honor his memory by continuing to be the people he loved. If you need to cry, that's okay! I'll be doing a lot of that. But you won't need to do it alone. I tried that when George died and it didn't work. Plus, I'd like to get to know you all better and understand why my boy loved flying with this crew so much. He was so proud of you." Her voice trailed off as she struggled vainly against the tears. 

Uhura rose from her seat and gently wrapped Winona in her arms. "We loved flying with him, too. I'm so sorry you have to go through this again, Commander. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call one of us."

Winona had a feeling she would be taking her up on that offer frequently as they began Life Without Jim.


	4. Exhaustion

A week after the funeral and Carol was exhausted. She'd been grilled over and over about the torpedoes and her knowledge of her father's plans (which wasn't much). She could hardly sleep, the nightmare were so bad and her self-doubts weren't helping anything. She kept seeing Khan crushing Jim's skull instead of her father's and waking up screaming. She knew she was a wreck and began to consider resigning from Starfleet. 

As she left yet another meeting with the admiralty, worn out and ready to crawl in a hole and disappear, she saw Jacob and Leonard talking in the hall. She startled badly at seeing Jim's look a like and dropped her PADD and bag with a clatter. 

They turned and looked right at her. "See a ghost, Dr. Marcus?" Jake said, a sardonic smile on his face. If she had, she sure wasn't now. She'd never seen Jim look like that. Leonard frowned at his friend and came forward to help her pick up her fallen belongings. "What he meant to say was, how are you, Dr. Marcus? I haven't seen you around lately." 

"The admiralty is keeping me busy right now," she sighed, giving the doctor a weary smile. "And I wasn't sure I'd be welcome in that circle you know--the people that knew Jim the longest." She looked at Jake pointedly. The lieutenant was stiff as a board, eyes showing the same strain as her own. 

Their silent stare-down lasted all of a whole minute before Bones looked strangely at them and Jake dropped his eyes. "Look," he said, running his fingers through his hair, "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of me. I seem to be scaring people a lot lately and I kind of snapped." 

He seemed ten years older under the weight of the stress and sorrow and Carol felt for the man, who would always be a walking mirror image of his dead hero brother. 

"I never had a chance to tell you how sorry I am for your loss," she said, swallowing hard. "Jim was a brilliant leader and I imagine was a great brother and friend." 

"Thank you," Jake sighed. "He was." Then he looked at the nameplate on the door she'd just come out of and frowned. "Komack was grilling you again?"

She nodded. "He's convinced I'm an accomplice given the way I snuck on the Enterprise." Leonard looked outraged. 

"That's Baloney!" the doctor spluttered. "You did that because you suspected he was up to no good and you needed to see those torpedoes without him finding out!!" 

"If I have a hearing, I'll count on you to testify, Dr." She said with faint smile. 

"It's that bad?" Jake questioned intently, eyebrow furrowing like Jim's had when he was trying to concentrate. 

She nodded. "Forget the five-year mission, I'll be lucky to keep my rank in Starfleet." 

"They'd better not do that to you," Leonard growled. "I'm sure Spock and Uhura would testify too, if need be. But that isn't what's keeping you up at night, is it?" 

"No," she admitted. "But half the city is in the same boat. I doubt I could get an appointment with a counselor for months." 

They'd slowly made their way to the lift while they'd been talking. "Going down?" Jake asked, pressing the button to open the door. "Yes, sir," Carol answered without thinking, then could have kicked herself. 

"Sorry." She apologized again. "All the other Kirks I've known outrank me and you're looking rather commanding right now." 

"Really?" Jake said, his mouth quirking up slightly. "That's kind of flattering--wait, you've met my mom?" 

They stepped in the lift and it started down the twenty floors to the ground floor. 

"Yes, I have actually. I did my first tour on her ship. As soon as I met Jim, I knew where he'd got that "don't mess with me" attitude." Jake raised a thick eyebrow. "You picked up on that? Most people think we're just George clones."

"Then they clearly don't see the whole picture," Carol retorted. "Commander Winona Kirk is one of the most amazing people I've met. And so are--and were--her sons. I was too overwhelmed to approach her at the funeral, but please give her my condolences." 

Jake looked at her a bit oddly, but nodded. "I will. Thank you, lieutenant." A shadow fell over his blue eyes again as they passed another piece of the Vengeance being dismantled and hauled away. "To think we would have been shot down like dogs...." He muttered. "How does something like THIS go unnoticed for so long?" 

"He obviously had help," Carol sighed, looking at the burnt, ruined section of the city where the warship had landed. "Which is why they're so thorough in their investigation. I'm not sure who I can trust anymore." 

"You can trust me to know that if you don't get some rest soon, you're going to drop," Leonard chimed in again, eyeing the dark circles under her eyes with a frown. 

"Who knows when any of us will get true rest again?" Carol said sadly. "There's so much trauma being dealt with, it's impossible to get an appointment with a good counselor." 

"Unfortunately, true. But You can still talk to someone," he replied. "Scotty and I are good listeners and I know Uhura's already offered. We can't let this tragedy break us apart, Carol. Jim would absolutely hate that." 

Jake swallowed hard and nodded silently in agreement. For a moment she saw the mask slip and the loss showed in the blue eyes that she realized were just a tad lighter than Jim's. 

Once she got home, Carol decided that she would finally take Uhura up on that offer. Strangely, the only thing she dreamed about that night was a pair of angry, sad blue eyes.


	5. A Dose Of Joanna

Leonard McCoy was putting one foot in front of the other: working all day at the hospital, sometimes going home, sometimes not because when he did, the pain came back and the memories swamped him. He missed Jim so much it physically hurt, but he refused to drink himself into oblivion, like he'd done after his dad passed. He was grateful now that he hadn't had to see Jim die, much as he wished he could have said goodbye. Scotty had told him Jim had died fairly quickly, but he'd looked awful and suffered terribly in the process. 

At least his last memory of Jim alive had been of the determined Captain rather than a hurting patient he couldn't help. 

Leonard had decided that he'd let Jake keep calling him Bones and he'd been spending a lot of time hanging out with Jim's twin. Maybe he was using him as a substitute, not being able to let his best friend go, but he didn't let himself think too deeply about it. After all, they were both rather lost without Jim. 

The more he spent time with Jake, though, the more he discovered the things that made the third Kirk different from his twin. Jake was quieter, more serious, and tended to actually think things through. Also, he had tact, which Leonard especially appreciated. 

After seeing Carol so thin and worn and lonely, he decided they'd all been negligent to one of their own. She was grieving, too, after all, and dealing with her father's rather nasty legacy. "Talk about Daddy issues," he muttered to himself, reading yet another news article about the late Alexander Marcus and his nefarious deeds. 

Two weeks after the funeral, he had Joanna with him for the weekend and her sunshine was doing him worlds of good. He'd called up some friends that she'd been begging to meet, since she zealously had followed the exploits of the Enterprise and its crew. 

"I cried when I found out Captain Jim died," she said solemnly. "He was so nice and funny." 

"I did, too, honey," Leonard said sadly, cuddling her tightly. "He saved all our lives, though." 

"You couldn't fix him?" Joanna asked wonderingly, as if surprised her father couldn't perform miracles. 

"No, I couldn't, unfortunately," he sighed. "But Mr. Spock and Miss Nyota are coming over and you can talk to them and I've invited a couple new friends I think you'll like, too." 

"Who are they?" She asked curiously.

"Well, Jim's brother, for one and and Dr. Marcus, the scientist I was telling you about," he told her, smiling at her eager green eyes. "You should ask her about the time she saved me from being blown to bits." 

"Whoa," Joanna breathed, "that sounds scary." He grinned at her. "Oh, you bet it was." 

So he introduced her to Spock and Uhura and Carol. Joanna took to them right away and was busy peppering them with questions when Jake showed up, rather drenched from a shower. 

"Hey everyone. Heard there's a special guest in town," he said, shaking water out of his hair like a drenched puppy. 

Leonard went to grab him a towel and the precocious Joanna stood up to examine "Mr. Jim's" brother. "Hi," she said, looking at him thoroughly, "I'm Joanna. Are you Captain Jim's brother? Cause you look just like him." 

By now, Jake was used to these kind of questions and knew Joanna was just asking in the blunt manner of most nine year olds, so he dried his hair and took off his wet jacket and smiled at her. 

"Yes, I am. I'm Jacob Kirk. Pleased to meet you, Joanna." He held out his hand and she shook it solemnly. 

"Daddy, you didn't tell me they were look-alike twins!" she scolded her father when he returned, motioning at the newcomer. 

"Now what gave you that idea?" Leonard teased her, showing Jake to a seat and thrusting a Coke into his hand. 

"Uh, the fact that he looks exactly like Captain Jim??" Joanna's eyebrow did a perfect imitation of her father's and Jake outright chuckled. 

"You certainly have a familial resemblance to your father, Miss McCoy," Spock spoke up. "The eyebrow raise is remarkably similar." 

"And I can scowl like him, too!" She proclaimed, crossing her arms and giving a glare that was, indeed, all McCoy.

Both Carol and Jake laughed at that, which pleased the doctor even though it came at his expense. 

They hadn't had time to do so much as breathe, let alone even think about something funny in weeks. He relished that moment, brief as it was, and decided a dose of Joanna was just the prescription needed for those aching hearts. 

Joanna, meanwhile, had climbed up beside Jake and began questioning him. 

"Are you gonna be a captain, too, Mr. Jake?" 

"I don't think so," Jake explained. "Too much responsibility. I like working in security better, this way, I can go on lots of away missions and see all these new planets and aliens without dealing with negotiating or paperwork. Being a captain is a big job, and Spock will be a lot better at it than I would." 

Joanna was thoughtful for a minute, then nodded. "Yeah. I know how much Daddy hates paperwork. He says so a lot." 

Uhura hid a giggle at this one and even Spock looked amused.   
Leonard decided it was high time steer the discussion in a different direction before Joanna was exposing all of his dislikes (which were many, as Jim had often teased him about). 

"Carol," he spoke up, "why don't you tell Joanna how you saved me from being blown up on that planetoid?" 

It worked. Joanna was fascinated as the lieutenant told the story (albeit an abbreviated version) of how they'd been sent to investigate some questionable torpedoes, he'd got his hand stuck and the timer had started counting down. 

Halfway into the tale, Leonard noticed Joanna wasn't the only one enthralled with Carol's account--Jake was listening very intently, looking much more alert than he had since Jim died. Maybe Carol had some medicine of her own in that gentle voice, he thought.


	6. Friends

Hanging out at Bones's place, Jake admitted to himself that it was good to get out and see people again. He'd been mostly holed up at home with family ever since Jim's funeral and dealing with the sharp reminders that his brother wasn't there anymore as well as seriously questioning himself. He'd asked Winona what was the point of being in Starfleet anymore. Right now, Jake could care less about some stupid five year mission. No offense to Spock, but the Enterprise wasn't the same without Jim captaining her. 

"I joined up in the first place to watch out for Jim," he said, staring at a cloud ferociously, trying not to cry again. "What in the world is going back to space going to prove?" 

"Perhaps nothing," Winona soothed. "Just don't make any snap decisions so soon in the fresh stages of grief. Take it from someone who did and regrets it." 

She wrapped him in a hug, and he didn't resist. "I missed way too much of your lives because I mistakenly thought I could be closer to your father out in space. Little did I realize I was only getting farther away." 

Jake had pondered this and continued to wrestle with his decision. He'd have a few months before he'd need to make it, thankfully. The Enterprise would not be ready to fly again for at least eight months, if not more. 

He'd gone to Bones's in hopes of discovering the doctor's plans and maybe getting a little advice. Turned out, he wasn't the only one. Spock and Uhura were both there as was Carol Marcus, of all people.

She still looked weary, but the defeated look was gone and she appeared to be fighting for her place in Starfleet with vigor. Jake envied her ability to make decisions under stress. 

Then Joanna had introduced herself and made them all chuckle with her imitations of her father. She was quite the socialite and soon was treating them all like old friends. Then Carol told the story of the torpedo incident and how the two doctors had a very narrow escape. Jake hadn't heard all the details about that, just that Jim had been very spooked by something. His respect for Carol and her quick thinking increased exponentially. If it hadn't been for her, Bones would be dead, too and he'd be down a brother and a close friend. 

He was embarrassed by his poor behavior to her in the days following the funeral. Knowing what he did now, Carol Marcus had been trying to prevent her father's plans from coming to pass, not aiding and abetting them. His mom was right. 

When Bones was busy throwing together a snack and Joanna was occupied with Spock and Uhura he got Carol's attention. 

"Hey, Dr. Marcus." 

"Hey, Mr. Kirk," she smiled at him and whoa, those were A Lot of dimples. He cleared his throat and continued. 

"I gave your message to Mom, and she remembers you, all right. She said thanks for the kind thoughts and she hopes you'll drop by sometime to catch up and talk. She's longing for female company now that Sam and Aurelan left."

"Really? She wants to see ME, of all people?" Carol looked extremely skeptical and it bothered him that she'd think that, but it was partly his fault, after all. He sighed and toyed with the chain around his neck from which Jim's old academy ID tags hung. 

"Yeah. She knows none of this was your fault. So do I." 

Jake made eye contact as he said it to show he was serious and with a start realized that her irises were slightly different colors of blue. Fascinating, as Spock would say, and rather lovely, he thought.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

"And I'm sorry for spooking every other time you come in the room," she confessed, "my subconscious is having a hard time separating you from Jim, even though I can't consciously tell the difference. I think it must be the eyes." 

"Probably," Jake agreed. He was used to this, being confused with his twin most of his life. "Hang around me long enough and I'll let you in on the secret ways people used to tell us apart." 

It gave him a pang to say that. He hated referring to Jim in the past tense, but his brother was gone and denial wouldn't bring him back. 

Carol's face grew sad seeing his expression. "Oh, Jacob. I hate that this happened to you. Your family's been through so much already and now Jim's left a huge hole behind. He had such a charisma and affection about him, despite his..... annoying tendencies." 

Jake couldn't help but crack a smile at the last remark, guessing by "annoying" she meant the insatiable flirting. 

"True," he acknowledged. "That's one of the differences, by the way. Jim had all the skills with the ladies, and they get bored with me pretty easily." 

"I find that hard to believe," Carol said skeptically, looking him over playfully. "I thought red-shirts have all the excitement and dangerous stories to tell." 

"Normally, yes. Compared to Jim?? Not really. Quite a few of them are just looking to brag about bagging a Kirk and once I've made it clear I'm not interested in hopping in bed with them, they go away pouting. The ones I work directly with, though, I've formed good friendships with. I've just been too busy to really try the dating thing."

"Me, too," sighed Carol. "And even more so, now. There's a hearing coming up next week to determine my fate in Starfleet and I can hardly eat or sleep I'm so edgy about it."

"I thought they'd dropped that," Jake said with a frown. "Don't they have bigger fish to fry, so to speak?" 

"I guess not, according to Komack," Carol said weakly. "He's going to purge this place, and leave no stone unturned, including me. I'm hoping Spock's testimony will satisfy them, but who knows?" 

"Name the place and time and we'll be there, Dr." Jake said determinedly. "There's no way we're going to just let them tear your career apart over this. Jim would hate this. He could never stand Komack's bull crap and he believed in standing up for his family." 

"Does that mean I'm considered family?" asked Carol, raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah." Jake, paused in consideration before cracking another smile. "Yeah. It does." 

Later, they'd look back and mark that moment as the beginning of their friendship.


	7. The Hearing

The hearing started out poorly as Carol was grilled intensely about her knowledge of Section 31 and her father's illegal weapons technology. Komack was relentless in his questions and she was beginning to lose hope. 

"Do you confess to hacking the crew assignments under a false name?" 

"Yes, Sir."

"For what purpose?" 

"To ascertain why the Admiral would order Captain Kirk to carry 72 torpedoes to kill Harrison without so much as a trial, Sir."

"And you needed to use another name to do that?" (This came from Admiral Eppes. 

"Yes, sir. If the Admiral had known I was on board, he would have changed his tactics and hidden the torpedoes away again." 

"Did you have prior knowledge of the sabotage done to the Enterprise before you boarded under an assumed name?" He asked. 

Carol cringed inwardly. "No, sir," she replied, thinking "If I did, Jim would still be alive." 

On and on it went for nearly an hour, every moment of her time on the Enterprise picked apart and gone over with a fine-toothed comb. 

She sat down trembling when they were finally done with her, expecting to be thrown out of Starfleet and possibly into prison. 

However, when witnesses were called, her spirits rose at the site of the Enterprise's bridge crew, coming forward one by one and tearing the prosecution's case to pieces. She'd never loved Spock's logic more than hearing him clearly explaining how her actions showed she was not in agreement with her father. 

Last of all, and even more surprising to her, Jake stood and made his way to the witness stand. Several admirals looked stunned, but Barnett sat there with a rather pleased expression. 

Jake's testimony was short and to the point, but earnest and sincere. "I watched her stand there on the bridge begging the Admiral to spare all our lives and not start a war!" 

Carol caught her breath when he turned his eyes to hers in a look that said he was with her all the way. 

"Wow, his eyes are exceptionally bright today" she thought suddenly, taken aback. "Must be the grey uniform." 

She followed his progress back to his seat where he sat down beside a familiar looking middle aged blonde woman. With a shock, she realized it was Winona Kirk herself. Why in the world would she have wanted to come to this? Surely it just brought up more painful reminders of Jim, didn't it? 

She pondered in confusion while the Admirals conferred among themselves. 

With the mountain of evidence that showed her innocence, even Komack was forced to agree to clear her of all charges, though she figured he'd find a way to punish her for the deception somehow and it probably would involve no five-year mission. 

However, she'd worry about that later, because she was currently surrounded by triumphant crew members congratulating her and offering enthusiastic hugs and pats on the shoulder. 

"I knew they'd see the light!" Proclaimed Scotty, beaming. 

"Thank goodness for Commander Logic here bringing the common sense," drawled Leonard, shaking her hand with a pleased expression. 

Uhura hugged her tightly and expressed her own relief. "There was no way we were going to let them blame you for this. You're one of us now." 

"Thank you, Commander," Carol told Spock gratefully. He'd been amazing up there, showing the Admirals just how mistaken they were in their assumptions. 

"You are welcome, lieutenant. It was my pleasure." Spock did look rather triumphant at the results of his irrefutable, logical testimony and she felt very glad the Vulcan was on her side. 

Jake offered a grin and a gentle side hug. "See what happens when family sticks up for each other? Even Komack realized you're innocent." 

She smiled shyly at him and wondered at just how unfairly incredible the Kirk genes were. Speaking of which, Winona Kirk was wrapping her arms around Carol.

"You did wonderfully, Dr. Marcus. It's exhausting the grilling they put you through, but you handled it like a pro."

"Commander Kirk....I...it's an honor to have you here," she gasped out. "It's...very unexpected." 

"Well, when Jake told me what was going on and how much pressure you were under, I wanted to come join the support party. Besides, It's good to get out of the house. It's so good to see you again." 

"And you as well," Carol replied, noting Winona didn't look much older than she had three years ago, but there was now a new shadow behind her blue eyes. "I'm sorry it resulted from such terrible circumstances," she managed. "We're all terribly sad about Jim." 

"Thank you," Winona said mistily. "It's been.....a hard month, but it's been a comfort to know how loved he was. I've had so many people from the crew come up to me to tell me stories about kind things he did or how brave he was, bless his heart." She cleared her throat and looked harder at Carol. 

" I've been coaxing Jake to invite you over one of these days. It's been way too long since I've had quality female conversation." 

"He's tried, but I didn't want to burden you with my stress and fretting over the hearing. It's pretty much consumed me for the last two weeks." Carol admitted, gazing up at a tarp covered building awaiting repair. 

Starfleet had suffered a lot of damage from the Vengeance's crash landing and it would be a long ongoing process to clean it up. 

"Well, then, now that that's behind you, how about coming back to our place for awhile? I can share embarrassing stories about the boys and you can tell me what you've been up to in the last few years." 

There was an mischievous twinkle in Winona's eyes that was very similar to Jim's when he was being ornery and Carol couldn't help but smile. 

They'd slowly been making their way out of the building as they'd been talking and now various groups were splitting away to go on with their day. Spock and Uhura were off to see her parents and Chekov and Sulu to hang out at Sulu's place. Leonard reluctantly departed to get back to the hospital. He'd been working whenever he could to help with the overflow of patients as there was still a critical shortage of Of staff to care for all the casualties of Khan's attack. Scotty was headed back to work on his beloved Enterprise, which appeared to be his preferred coping method. 

So that left Carol with the Kirks and she accepted Winona's offer willingly. 

"Good!" Winona proclaimed. "Now Jake will chauffeur us home like a dutiful son, won't he?"

"Of course, Mom," Jake replied affectionately. "It would be an honor to escort such lovely ladies." 

He dropped a slow wink and bowed dramatically, causing Carol to   
Impulsively bat her eyelashes at him, giggling helplessly at his obvious hamming. They left headquarters lighter of heart than they'd been in some time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will probably get cut short because of less than lukewarm response, but that's a risk one takes with OCs and rare pairs. I'll do another chapter or two to wrap things up.


	8. Chapter 8

Ten months later

Jake and Carol slowly wended their way through the cemetery on the familiar path that led to Jim's grave. They were coming for one last visit before reporting to the USS Newton for a three year mission. Carol had been unsurprised to not be assigned to the Enterprise after what had happened, and had accepted her position as Science Officer without a murmur. The Newton was a great ship in its own right and would be following up on new Federation members and ferrying supplies to various colonies.

Jake had actually turned down the Enterprise, leading to great consternation, but those who knew him understood he had his reasons. Even though they were healing from Jim's loss, Jake really didn't think he'd enjoy being on his brother's ship without Jim, in addition to the bad memories that lurked in Engineering. Spock had been understanding about it and wished him success in his new ventures. Carol teased him lightly about not wanting to be separated from Winona for five years and he'd shrugged and grinned sheepishly.

"What can I say? I love my mom.  
But she's not the only one I didn't want to be separated from." He'd looked at her slyly and she blushed.

This comfortable thing between them had evolved from that evening after the hearing, when she'd started spending time with him and told him her story for the first time.

A lot of preconceived notions and false assumptions had been destroyed that day and she'd inadvertently inserted herself in the Kirk family.

Winona had had her over several more times for girl talk and others simply to discuss cute childhood tales of Jake and Jim and see how red they could get Jake to turn.

Once Winona had returned to her ship, Jake and Carol kept up the habit of hanging out which eventually turned into hand holding and a few stolen kisses. 

By unspoken agreement, they hadn't said anything yet, but it was clear there was something going on between them.

Jake had her hand in his when they stopped in front of the black headstone. It was a cloudy, but warm day and the green grass was carefully trimmed around the headstone. People still brought little bouquets and trinkets frequently and a handful of daisies currently rested under Jim's name etched in the stone. 

They stood there in silence, remembering him for a few minutes then Jake cleared his throat.

"I am here to inform you, Jim, that we are going to be uncles at last. Sam and Aurelan are expecting in April. Mom is, as you might expect, over the moon at the prospect of grandmother hood. 

"Also, Carol and I won't be around for the next three years, since we're leaving on the Newton in a couple days.  
I know, I know, she's not the Enterprise, but she's a good ship. Honestly, Five year missions don't sound nearly as exciting without you around."

He smiled crookedly, remembering Jim practically stopping Spock in his tracks and bouncing at the prospect of the deep space mission.

"Anyway, there are certain people that I didn't want to leave for five years and one of them is standing right here with me." 

Jake looked down at Carol with open affection, thinking that Jim would have been pleased that the two of them were an item. 

Carol's wit and cleverness along with that easy elegance and killer smile had made his heart begin to function again after the pain it had been mired in so long. 

Jim would have delighted in teasing him non stop about it. He had often bugged Jake about his lack of a love life and tried countless times to set him up with people, mostly failing comically. 

Carol returned his look with one of her dazzling smiles and scooted closer. 

"I'm pleasantly surprised at the delights of the Kirks, Jim. Your little brother is full of admirable traits once you get to know him. It's going to be quite the adventure seeing where this goes. Anyway, we miss you, captain. We'll be thinking of you when we're back out in the black."

"Everyday," Jake added fervently, picturing Jim's laughing face in the sunlight dancing off of his gravestone. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat and leaned down and traced the engraving of Jim's name with his finger, remembering yet again the last moment they'd shared that day in the depths of the Enterprise. 

 

"Jake, I'm sorry," Jim gasped. "I got you into all of this and almost got you killed."

"But you got yourself killed instead!" Jake had choked out, tears gushing freely as he watched his brother tremble and shake in the throes of agony. That was the worst part, not being able to comfort Jim, separated by the glass door. 

The dying Captain had just forced a smile. 

"Needs of the many......outweigh....the needs of the....few," he whispered. "You know I couldn't let you die. Tell mom I love her and I'm sorry. I love you, little bro." 

 

 

Things would never be the same without him, but Jacob Thomas Kirk now knew he would survive this and hopefully go on to make Jim proud and ensure his twin's sacrifice would not be in vain. 

"Bye, bro," Jake finally whispered and stepped back. 

"You think he's talking Dad's ear off up there?" He asked Carol playfully, refusing to be swallowed up in sadness again. 

She wrapped her arms around him and agreed. 

"Definitely. I knew him all too briefly, but James T. Kirk had the gift of gab, it was evident from the way he talked my ear off on the shuttle to the Enterprise. I'd imagine he's catching George and the good Admiral Pike up on the happenings down here. But if he thinks you're coming to join him anytime soon, well, he's got another thing coming." 

Her voice dropped a pitch as she held on tightly as if to keep Jake from heaven's clutches. He returned the embrace wholeheartedly and mentally vowed to do everything he could to stay alive long enough to make her officially part of the family. He would defy the red shirt curse. 

As they walked away, a faint whisper on the wind seemed to be giving its blessing to the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go! I promise I won't bug you with any more Warp core related fics. I'll be more creative with my Major Character Deaths from now on. There will probably be more twin Kirks, though, because I love those boys.


End file.
